The Denial of the Feminine Archetype
I’ve worked with many male clients with varying degrees of relationship struggles, each trying to improve himself as a man in a long-term relationship. Virtually every one of them comes to the inevitable realization that they will always have some degree of emotional distress projected onto them by their feminine partner, and they struggle mightily with this awareness. As an experienced clinician, I have developed quite an eye for the occurrence of cognitive dissonance in others. I can detect a molecule of confusion a mile away. Therefore, a pattern with men has revealed itself to me over time that suggests men generally seek to put an end to chaos–manifested as the confusing, irrational nature of the feminine. This notion is supported by literature across several domains. Essentially, this pattern indicates a pervasive phenomenon with men regarding the manner in which they contend with the challenges that come with relationships with women. In the sessions with these men, there is almost always some discussion about managing the frustration they have with their partner’s behaviors. However, it seems to always circle back to a deep-seated drive to ultimately rid his life of chaos rather than transform it.
The Inadvertent Suppression of the Feminine to Avoid Initiation
Most, if not all, of these men genuinely want to do the right thing, and when they learn skills that make them more supportive and understanding of their feminine partner, they are eager to implement them. They almost always see positive results with the implementation of the new skills. However, it never fails that each of these men will sooner or later find themselves severely missing the mark with these skills. Instead of orienting these skills towards providing the optimal environment that sustains a supportive and integrative environment for his partner’s feminine experience, he naively orients these skills towards putting an end to the chaos of the emotionally distressful aspects of her behavior—the feminine nature. He blindly thinks that he can get all the good parts without having to deal with any of the negative parts. This sort of self-deception inadvertently suppresses the feminine archetype of his partner, the very thing he needs to be initiated into a more integrated version of the Self.
Confusion with the Inextricably Connected Superficiality and Feminine Archetype of a Woman
This is where the struggles really come in, for he must now figure out what part of her behaviors towards him occur on a superficial level (content) and what part occurs at a deeper, unconscious level (context). The superficial level is perceived as literal (for reasons we won’t go into here). The deeper unconscious level is experienced, in the nature of this analysis, as disturbances in his psyche as somethings unpleasant and that should be eliminated as feasibly possible. That is, he encounters resistance to an easy and trouble-free life. He rarely, if ever, detects these as disturbances in his own mind. This is challenging to identify, let alone articulate into a reconcilable dilemma. It is unspeakably difficult. However, this is also where meaningful progress is made, gradually illuminating the way towards a more integrated version of the Self. The confusion lies in the literal and figurative interpretations of the challenges that come with his interactions with her. In other words, it is not so much about the literal content of what she says and does as much as why she says and does it. The what is important, but mainly as a window into her deeper needs and desires. That is, what she says and does is merely a manifestation of a deeper, more symbolic process of the chaotic feminine archetype attempting to fulfill her purpose of transforming him into the person she is worthy of.
Consciously Bringing Order for the Feminine to Lead Man through Initiation and into Integration
This is where courage comes in. It is the courage to become the hero–to be precise in a manner that manifests his potential. Through practicing courage and sacrificing his ambitions to establish a corner of the world in which chaos does not exist, he finally begins to transform. This is to consciously bring order in a way that allows the feminine to initiate him into a more integrated man. In a practical sense, this means he must immerse himself in the tormenting experience of achieving outcomes that give him what he needs while simultaneously ensuring a meaningful and wholesome experience for his feminine partner. It means he must subject himself to the limitations of supporting her feminine experience and staying true to his purpose as a man. He is rigorously subjected to a myriad of trials and tribulations that could very well bring him to an end or, if he passes, emerge with a deeper understanding of this process. And that is useful. This paradox forces him to be precise with his character. Here, his most important aspects can exist and therefore fulfill their purpose. And yes, this takes place precisely in his responses to his partner’s behaviors. The key is whether or not he merely responds to her literal behaviors, which only seek to end them, or if he responds to the deeper, transformative element of her challenges of him.
