The Problem of Today's Man and the Modern Woman

A significant part of my life goal is to bridge the gap between polarizing views of masculinity and femininity. For many, this is a topic on which strong opinions are held. I understand this well, for I have worked with many people with numerous views and opinions on the matter. I’ve come to respect everyone’s experiences that have led them to the beliefs they hold on the notion of masculinity and femininity.

One of the more damning themes that have emerged in my work is that femininity is often seen as something restrictive, weak, and limiting. Women frequently tell me of aversive experiences they’ve had regarding femininity. These experiences range from negative interactions with fathers and intimate partners to negative social experiences, all of which have shamed and oppressed their feminine side. In other words, their femininity was rarely, if ever, embraced. Instead, it was shamed and made out to be a nuisance. When this happens, it often results in women suppressing their femininity to avoid further shaming and oppression.

These kinds of experiences are not fair. Women deserve to be feminine if that is who they are. This certainly does not mean that all women are more feminine than masculine (we all have both masculinity and femininity).

I have worked with many women who have experienced newfound freedom by embracing their femininity and expecting their masculine partner to support their feminine experience. They learned to cultivate in their partner a desire to support their feminine experience. These women are incredibly grateful to be feminine once they realize the amount of freedom to be found in femininity.

But it doesn’t stop there. I believe there is an extraordinary amount of qualities and strengths to be found in femininity. Seeking to rid of the notion of masculinity and femininity removes fundamental aspects of people that can be great sources of freedom and strength. To deny this notion potentially sabotages the purpose of masculinity and femininity. I believe true courage is in embracing what it has to offer, even if you’ve been burned in the past. I encourage you not to let your past define you. Instead, find your meaning in the present and bravely go to your femininity.

There’s a Latin phrase, “In sterquiliniis invenitur” – in filth it will be found. What you need most is often found where you least wish to look. The things that are most beneficial are frequently the most painful. Two things are thus required of us to truly transform in this context. One is to turn courageously toward the dragon, face it directly, and slay it. The other is to hold our pain and suffering and ask it two questions: “What do you need from me?” and “What gift do you have for me?”