Masculinity in Relationships
Connect with your partner in your own masculine way and reap the rewards of what the relationship has to offer.
Masculinity has its purposes. It is not wrong. What matters is how masculinity is manifested. You can do good things with it; or you can do bad things with it. I encourage you to be responsible with masculinity and intentionally do good with it. Doing good things with your masculinity means acknowledging what you understand about masculinity in the first place. Exploring how and why you should manifest your masculinity appropriately can catapult your relationship into the stratosphere. The key to doing so is to understand what connection is in this context, and how it should be connected. Perhaps, more importantly, one must understand why it should be connected that way.
While there are many ways to describe relationships and how to make them successful, this article focuses the dynamics of the feminine and masculine nature of relationships as well as the connection of these two fundamental aspects of people. This article is intended to give a perspective for the partner who is more naturally masculine and how they might engage with the partner who is more naturally feminine. To keep the focus on the topic at hand, his/him pronouns will refer to masculinity (although some women may identify as more masculine), and she/her pronouns will refer to femininity (although some men may identify as more feminine).
Cultivating harmony with your partner can be achieved by understanding subtle nuances of her feminine nature in order to respond to her in a healthy, masculine way. These kinds of responses should be indicative of a thoughtful and caring leader who is assertive, confident, and principled. Some accepted traits for a person who responds in a masculine way are strength, morale, endurance, and knowledge. People who live this way tend to strive to provide their partner with safety, security, comfort, and warmth, all while providing excitement and romance. Masculine and feminine processes are fundamentally different in how people navigate thoughts, emotions, and behavior. When these processes are carried out in accordance with their true nature, both masculine and feminine functions can be sources of freedom.
By mastering skills such as assertiveness, character building, frame control, and confidence you solidify your foothold as you seek to overcome the challenges of connecting to her feminine nature with your masculinity. This type of connection can be difficult to navigate at times due to the fundamental differences between femininity and masculinity. This also difficult to manage because of some biological factors that show that women have a natural tendency to be skeptical of a man's commitment, which might suggest that women often subconsciously gauge a man's capacity to commit to a relationship with them. For the masculine person, this may come across as being tested. This notion can be observed in relationships. How you respond to these tests is crucial.
Cultivating harmonious connections requires you to be a responsible leader, striving to get what you want as well as what she wants. As you master these things, you will continually gain a better understanding of your partner’s behaviors, which will also teach you how to engage with the emotions associated with her behaviors, and do so in a masculine way.
Supporting the Feminine Experience while Honoring the Masculine Experience
People of the opposite gender often conclude that the other gender’s traits are flawed. Women may think that a man should be more “in touch with his feelings” when he is merely operating in his true, masculine nature by trying to navigate his emotions in his own way. Men often experience this as an attack on their manhood, which typically results in men becoming just that much more entrenched in the exact stance the other person is attempting to change. On the contrary, men are often frustrated when a woman becomes “too emotional” when she is simply processing the gravity of how a given situation is affecting her emotionally, in her own feminine way. A woman will naturally hold her ground in order to experience her emotions in her own feminine way. Oftentimes, when a woman brings a problem to her man, he defaults to logically solving the problem based on its content. Content is the observable problem. This approach is not congruent with what the woman needs. In this context lies the problem; she merely needs to navigate the emotions of her experience; not have them solved for her. Only then will she process it logically, if needed.
As it pertains to your partner coming to you with her emotions, especially her emotional distress, you might often attempt to provide reason and logic based on the content of what she’s giving you. Thinking logically and rationally is not a flaw; the flaw is failing to engage with and understand her emotions regarding the problem. Remember, it is the gravity of the situation she experiences, and it is supposed to be emotional. Feeling her emotions is what she needs to do to be free. Telling her to not to worry about something, or offering an immediate solution to the observable problem, is asking her not to feel. You are inadvertently disrupting her way of processing her emotional experiences in her own feminine way. Telling your partner to not feel is essentially telling her to not be a woman. Remember, she has her own way of processing her life experiences. Responding with your own emotional distress, and acting irrationally, impedes your partner's healing. Consider what character you need to display in response to her emotional experiences.
Regarding masculinity, it is important to allow your natural process to help you navigate your experiences. Being emotionally reliable provides a safe environment for your partner to experience her emotions. Instead of becoming frustrated when she becomes "too emotional", be intentional with tending to her needs by responding assertively, confidently, and compassionately. As you weather the emotional storms of life, and in your relationship, you create a sense of self-worth and emotional reliability. These are indispensable qualities when it comes to masculinity in relationships. The experience and wisdom you gain through surviving these storms allow you to stand solidly when your relationship tests you. It builds responsible leadership, while other people's masculinity bends and breaks at the slightest feminine challenge from their partner.
As men, we often become annoyed and frustrated with our partner’s behaviors when we fail to navigate relational conflict and tap into our creative capacity to manage the challenges and tension we experience with her. Embracing her needs while honoring our masculinity, and maintaining self-respect as a human being, is the key to success in our relationships. An assertive woman who fights to get what she needs is a sign of a healthy woman. By challenging you and desiring the best from you, she is ensuring the maximum amount of safety and freedom possible for her. In other words, she is just doing her job.
